To Castrate Obama. Playscript

To Castrate Obama. Playscript

Farid Kaydani

INT. BATCH LECTURE HALL, DAYTIME

It’s the end of a lecture on biology. There are students at the desks: some of them are listening to the lecturer, some are looking out of the window wearily, some are talking and smiling to their deskmates. The lecturer looks at her watch. It’s IRINA LEONIDOVNA, a tall, slender woman of about forty, with regular features. She is wearing a skirt, a jacket, a chemise, and spiked shoes.

IRINA LEONIDOVNA

So, alright. This is all. We only have a little bit of time left. What was not clear in today’s theme? Is everything clear for everybody? We only have two lectures left this term, and then you are through with biology, my dear future politologists.

Irina Leonidovna looks round the lecture hall and sets her eyes on a student with his hand raised. It’s IVANOV, a cultured, subtle and tidy looking student with a calm observant glance.

IRINA LEONIDOVNA

I’m listening to you Ivanov, what is not clear for you?

IVANOV

Everything is clear. I’m wondering about another thing: will we study forms of reproduction in more detail in the content of our course?

IRINA LEONIDOVNA

No, Ivanov. This is considered to be enough for politologists. And what exactly do you want to know?

Shouts, chuckles, cheerful arguments between students can be heard in the lecture hall.

IVANOV

I’m interested in parthenogenesis.

Irina Leonidovna stops in her movement and thinks for a couple of seconds. Ivanov looks at Irina Leonidovna closely, at her face and expression.

IRINA LEONIDOVNA

Yes, this is an interesting topic. Well, in a few words, parthenogenesis is a form of bioreproduction when female germ cells develop into an adult organism without fertilization. That is, females can manage without males easily. Then the species can consist only of females; to be more accurate, there is no division into males and females. Females are males at the same time. One of the main biological advantages is the acceleration of the species’ reproduction, as all the individuals of such species are able to leave offspring.

The bell rings, interrupting Irina Leonidovna’s last words, hubbub begins in the lecture hall. Ivanov sits down, deep in thought. The lecturer begins getting ready to go. After some time everybody walks out of the lecture hall.

NAT. THE DOORSTEPS AND THE GROUND IN FRONT OF THE UNIVERSITY BUILDING, DAYTIME

The students walk out of the building in groups and singly, stand talking, and disperse unhurriedly. Two coursemates walk past Ivanov, one of them throws an interested glance at him, this is NATALYA, the other one is giggly and quick, it’s VICHKA.

VICHKA

(To Ivanov, laughing and walking past him)

OK, Vanya, so long, see you tomorrow.

Ivanov stops, watching Natalya and Vichka who had just walked past him, pulls out his phone, dials a number and looks at Natalya walking slightly ahead. Natalya pulls out her phone, looks at the screen, looks back at Ivanov without slowing down her pace, and answers the phone.

IVANOV

(Speaking into the phone)

Are you great hurry? I wanted to see you home…

NATALYA

(Speaking into the phone)

Yes. Yes, Vichka is dragging me somewhere… I’ll call you back, later… Bye… Don’t be hurt.

Natalya hurries to switch off her phone and thrusts it into her handbag. She and Vichka continue walking a little faster than everybody around them. Natalya is silent and slightly nervous. Vichka is talking, persuading Natalya and looking into her face.

VICHKA

Well, he’s a bit boring, Natasha. He won’t have much fun there… Stop it… He’ll be only a nuisance for you. Volodka has such friends… You’ll see for yourself.

Ivanov thrusts the phone into his pocket and looks towards Natalya and Vichka walking away. A COURSEMATE catches up with him and notices the direction of Ivanov’s glance.

COURSEMATE

You are coming in the evening, aren’t you?

IVANOV

Where do I have to come?

COURSEMATE

See, Vichka is celebrating her engagement today…, something like that… Well, she’s kind of… getting married… Upstairs in Behemoth, there’s some café there… Don’t you know!?

IVANOV

No, I don’t know.

Ivanov looks at Natalya and Vichka getting into a tuned, eye-catching foreign-made car in about thirty meters from him. On the rear windowpane of the car there is an abusive inscription about Barack Obama written in large letters, in English. Ivanov almost stops, looks at the leaving eye-catching car with the inscription for a long time, grows gloomy, and lowers his eyes. Then he continues walking, depressed.

INT. SUBWAY CAR, DAYTIME

There are few people in the car. Ivanov, with earphones on, is sitting among other passengers, with his daypack in his lap, and switching between radio stations on his smartphone. The sounds of various styles and tunes in the earphones interleave fancily with the speech of ANCHORMAN, INTERVIEWER and EXPERT.

ANCHORMAN

…the nature is at the crossroads. Showers of rain and slightly cooler weather will appear to replace the warm spring days, but by the middle of next week already…

Two music stations change one another.

INTERVIEWER

…well, alright, but our Western colleagues have an opinion that anyway, despite the huge number of victims and the false prerequisites for the start of the hostilities, say, in the Iraq campaign, democracy is more attractive for the people of Iraq or Libya in the long term.

EXPERT

Oh yes… This way we can really go too far. The more victims, the more democracy. Ideally, it would mean total extirpation of the people of Libya and creating a new state based on the principles of law, like it happened in North America. But the problem is that progressive democratic nations don’t reproduce nowadays but replenish their populations at the cost of backward and non-democratic ones…

Ivanov is sitting, swaying slightly to and fro in time with the impulses of the car movement. Ivanov’s eyes are closing. He sags backward in his seat slightly, closer to the seat back, and falls into drowsiness.

INT. OF THE WHITE HOUSE, DAYTIME

President BARACK OBAMA is sitting at his desk, holding the phone receiver at his face, deep in a peaceful conversation. Suddenly there is a strong, distinct and sharp knock at the door several times. Barack Obama looks towards the door with interest, distracting himself from the talk slightly. The door opens, and three tall, slender, fit young copies of IRINA LEONIDOVNA appear at the doorstep, wearing identical clothes: dark skirts a little above the knee, white chemises, and jackets with beautiful lapels, on sizeable spike heels. Irina Leonidovnas wait on the doorstep for a couple of seconds, Obama is at a loss. Then they strode towards his desk, almost marching in array, and stand abreast in front of Barack Obama’s desk.

He is at a loss at first, murmurs something into the receiver and hangs up, and looks at them in surprise, waiting for what is going to happen. After they have lined up abreast, he stands up slowly and stares at them, stunned. Turning his gaze from one face to another, he states that the nonchalant faces of the women are absolutely identical. As if it's hard to believe his own eyes, Barack Obama, shaking his head slightly and winking, moves his glance at the décolleté level. It’s the same: everything is identical!

He shakes his head and lowers his glance, trying to identify all that remains unseen beneath, the edge of the desk makes him stretch, standing on his toes…. Coming to his senses, he regains the initial position and gives a somewhat embarrassed, confused smile, showing his teeth. Suddenly IRINA LEONIDOVNA No.1, the one on the right, pronounces abrupt words in a mechanical voice.

IRINA LEONIDOVNA No.1

Hello Mister President of the United States of America of Planet Earth! We are glad to greet you on our visit! We have come from a far-away planet, the developmental history of which is like the Earth’s history of development.

Barack Obama nods to the Women with a stiff smile, swallowing unintentionally. Then he raises his hands as if trying to stop them, leaves his desk, walks to the window, bends his head, closes his eyes, and buries his face in his hands with a gentle motion. Then he straightens himself sharply, opens his eyes and turns. At this moment IRINA LEONIDOVNA No.2, the one standing in the middle, starts speaking in a mechanical voice.

IRINA LEONIDOVNA No.2

Mister President, you are in the right mind, don’t worry. Believe your eyes and listen to us.

Obama looks at the face of Irina Leonidovna No.2, at the movement of her lips. The lips close, but her speech continues. Obama’s smile falters, he moves his glance to the left, at the face of IRINA LEONIDOVNA No.3 who, as it appears, is continuing her predecessor’s speech. All the women have identical voices and intonations.

IRINA LEONIDOVNA No.3

We have come to you with a great mission concerning progress, as to the president of a great country that claims to be the first one on Earth in everything.

Obama watches the face of Irina Leonidovna No.3, the movements of her lips. The lips close, but her speech continues. Obama’s smile becomes sour, he moves his glance to the right, the face of Irina Leonidovna No.2 is “silent”, he moves his glance further, now it’s time for Irina Leonidovna No.1 to speak.

IRINA LEONIDOVNA No.1

After watching your successes for some time, and adopting your own principle of forcing backward nations to accept all the progressive ways, we want to make your country even more progressive, for which purpose we are going to force you to implement parthenogenesis in the territory of the USA.

The expression of Barack Obama’s face changes, he becomes slightly nervous, frowns, and concentrates to understand the woman’s words, raising his chin. There is a minute’s pause. The speech is continued by Irina Leonidovna No.2.

IRINA LEONIDOVNA No.2

We understand that you may not know, or not remember the term “parthenogenesis” and what it means for the people of Earth. Parthenogenesis is the process when female germ cells develop into an adult organism without fertilization, that is, without men’s participation.

BARACK OBAMA

But we don’t have any problems with reproduction and with healthcare! And even more that that! My administration has taken decisive steps towards better medical service through a healthcare reform!

IRINA LEONIDOVNA No.3

Concentrate please. Of course you did very well as President in fulfilling your direct duty and performing the healthcare reform. This is not the point. The Earthlings’ mechanism of reproduction has always been inefficient. It’s the same nowadays. And further development requires mobilization.

IRINA LEONIDOVNA No.1

The thing that is called sexuality here in a general sense, has always wasted a huge amount of the Earthlings’ aggregate resources. It can’t go on like that.

Barack Obama brightens, starts smiling, sighs with relief, shuffles his feet, and winks with both eyes at Irina Leonidovna No.2.

BARACK OBAMA

Listen, why is that bad? This is our Earthly culture! This is our Earthly life!

IRINA LEONIDOVNA No.2

We know that. Our society has gone through it as well. We offer you quick progress. A leap. To make it more clear for you: it’s the same as imposing democracy on Libyans, or Iraqis. It’s painful, but it means progress!

BARACK OBAMA

As for Libyans and Iraqis, we propagate freedom! We give freedom to people! We propagate democracy!

IRINA LEONIDOVNA No.2

You destroy habitual and natural hierarchies in many countries that had formed for centuries, and don’t give them an opportunity for independent evolution. The man-and-woman hierarchy can be destroyed too, as something that hinders progress. We suggest you realize this and lead the process. The future doesn’t lie with democracy. The future lies with development of science, and expansion of sentient beings across the universe without any methodologies of superiority on any account. By the way, it’s almost democracy if you will, only without concentration of resources in particular individuals’ hands and without practices of manipulating the consciousness of people like independent elections.

IRINA LEONIDOVNA No.3

This is absolute compulsion. But a gentle one. Gentle force. You are familiar with this notion too. But we’ll avoid victims at all.

BARACK OBAMA

Alright. You suggest introducing a new, progressive form of reproduction on the Earth, here in the USA to start with, are you?

IRINA LEONIDOVNA No.1

Exactly.

BARACK OBAMA

(Speaks brokenly, struggling to find words)

But we don’t have any problems with demography. Neither has Europe, for example.

IRINA LEONIDOVNA No.1

In your country and in Europe, the demographic situation is maintained at the cost of immigration. That is, at the cost of other territories, and this is disharmony in the Earthlings’ development.

Barack Obama is slightly annoyed and is getting ready to answer something. Irina Leonidovnas continue.

IRINA LEONIDOVNA No.2

Aside from that: the point is that progress will lead to lots of opportunities, and there will be no sufficient quantity of people. For example, in a hundred years the people of Earth will be able to reach the nearest planets suitable for life. Besides, there is the problem of cultural consistency, of education, continuity of the idea of science priority, the problem of propagation and actualization of the Earthlings’ archaic regressive religions of the past centuries, the problem of spending human and material resources on fighting them (the obsolete beliefs of the past centuries).

IRINA LEONIDOVNA No.1

These all are demographic problems of advanced nations. After parthenogenesis is implemented in your country as the most advanced one that is most prepared for it, as an experiment, your dependence on immigration will disappear.

Barack Obama raises his eyebrows in pretended delight.

IRINA LEONIDOVNA No.3

Your people-women will reproduce successfully on their own. There will be no need anymore to adopt children, for example in Russia. Hereditary diseases will disappear as such, and you can be sure that healthcare costs will decrease.

Barack Obama looks away and prims his lips, deep in thought. Then he asks a question.

BARACK OBAMA

OK. Let’s say I agree to consider your proposal. What will be required to put it into practice?

All Irina Leonidovnas smile joyfully, broadly and identically, showing their snow-white teeth.

IRINA LEONIDOVNA No.1

This is not quite a proposal. This is compulsion with a preparatory explanation and a call for voluntary cooperation.

IRINA LEONIDOVNA No.2

This will require neutralizing most men in their particular manifestations. Then, implementing and propagating revolutionary procedures for women’s independent impregnation. We’ll provide you with the technologies and organize training for the people. Also an advertising campaign will be necessary for the ideological determination of the majority of your female population.

BARACK OBAMA

Neutralizing most men — what does that mean?

IRINA LEONIDOVNA No.3

This means arranging for them not to be eager for sexual intercourses from then on, and to be incapable of everything related to it. And also of such thoughts. And to behave like females in the future. From the technical point of view, this is a simple and painless surgical procedure.

BARACK OBAMA

(Speaks brokenly, struggling to find words)

Does it mean that there will be no men left in the territory of the USA at all?

IRINA LEONIDOVNA No.1

Exactly.

BARACK OBAMA

This is impossible! I can’t let it happen! Even for the sake of progress.

The smile has faded from Barack Obama’s face. He doesn’t feel confident at all in front of the three women’s hard eyes. And he continues talking irresolutely.

BARACK OBAMA

You don’t know how such things are done here. I can’t do it without the Congress, without the Senate. It’s quite a piece of work – developing a law, lobbying it, taking it through all the instances.

IRINA LEONIDOVNA No.2

We’ll do everything on our own. Both to the Congress and to the Senate. Do you agree to become a Pioneer of Earthly Progress voluntarily?

BARACK OBAMA

No!

IRINA LEONIDOVNA No.3

Then we won’t include you in the list of Pioneers. But the procedure will be performed. We’ve named it “Invincible Freedom from Manhood”.

After those words, the women bend the elbows of their right hands in front of themselves, one after another, with a second's interval, their movements are identical. Irina Leonidovna No.1 has a small packed syringe in her hand, Irina Leonidovna No.2 has a glittering packed pair of scissor forceps, Irina Leonidovna No.3 has a bottle with a label saying “IODINE” (in Russian) and a pack of cotton wool.

Barack Obama’s glance rushes from one women to another.

IRINA LEONIDOVNA No.1

Three, four!

After those words, Irina Leonidovna No.2 puts the scissor forceps on the table, walks to Barack Obama calmly, twists his hands behind his back easily, makes him sit into the armchair, turns the armchair so that its back faces the table, and takes the starting position, grabbing the scissor forceps. Irina Leonidovna No.1 tears the packing of the syringe, pushes the plunger in slightly, and walks to Barack Obama. Irina Leonidovna No.3 comes to the armchair from another side. Irina Leonidovna No.2 tears the packing of the scissor forceps, standing in the starting position.

FADE OUT

FADE IN

INT. SUBWAY CAR, DAYTIME

The car brakes a little too abruptly. The drowsy Ivanov leans against a good-looking black college girl unintentionally, his head lies down onto her shoulder. Having cast a side glance at Ivanov, the girl gives a slight smile. Ivanov opens his eyes, comes back to reality, sits up straight in the seat and looks at his dark-skinned neighbor - cautiously, sideways, embarrassedly.

She doesn’t look at him, but a slight smile lingers on her lips. She is quite nice-looking. Ivanov turns his glance to the floor, takes off his earphones, thrusts them into his daypack together with the smartphone, rubs his eyes and face slightly with his hand, and turns his head to the neighbor with more courage already. It is noisy in the car. The girl turns towards Ivanov a little. After that, he leans forward and says something to her. She nods. He says something else. She smiles and, after some thought, answers to him. This way, their acquaintance continues in the bustle of the moving subway car.

THE END.